Being sick on Thanksgiving break wasn't entirely fun, but it didn't change what all I have to be thankful for. It did, however, make for a funny moment. I'll admit, I get a little on the whiney side when I'm sick. Yellow car boy of course tended to my every need. I was doing a little reading in my state of grogginess. I realize I am straining and holding my neck up awkwardly to see. Yellow car boy hands me a cup of hot tea when I see a blur of my glasses. "Ah!" I delighted. "There are my glasses. I didn't know they were there." Yellow car boy responds, "You were blind all this time and didn't even have to be."
My head flooded with thoughts. In that moment I was very thankful for my eye sight, glasses, and a husband who had placed them there for me. I then thought about an all too familiar song. You know it- Amazing Grace. You know the line, "...was blind but now I see..." I then thought about something I had heard on the radio earlier this week, "God did not command lost people to go to church, but He told us, the church, to go to lost people." Ok, I think I've connected all the dots to my final thought. Christian, have you ever found yourself getting frustrated at someone lost in sin? I'll admit that I have. It's important to remember that that person is blind. Just like when I was straining to read and causing myself discomfort, that person may feel the pain but is unaware of a solution or chooses to do nothing about it. I knew my glasses were somewhere, but in my state of not feeling well, I chose to remain planted. I was also unaware they were right there beside me. There are lost people in both situations. You have the lost person who knows about Jesus Christ, but this person chooses not to act. People often think they'll get right with Christ later, that He can't fix their problems, or for many other reasons. They've heard the Gospel, but they reject it. Maybe they've been hurt by a Christian. Maybe they've had a bad church experience. Maybe they are mad at God. Who knows? What I do know is that it is not our place to judge that person. We have no idea where they are coming from. We have no idea what hurt they have been through. My throwing a stone or shoving doctrine down their throat will not get them any closer to Jesus Christ than they were before I gave it an honest try. Most people in situations like this need a relationship with you, so they will trust you. "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care". Jesus had a reputation. People knew Him. People came to Him. We should model our lives, relationships, and ministry after that of Christ. God gives us wisdom and discernment, and if He leads you to share to a total stranger while walking down the street, of course you should! Sometimes thought I fear we get caught up in promoting things other than salvation, and whatever it takes to get a person to salvation, shouldn't we be willing? (I'm talking to myself here.) Then you have the lost person who is completely unaware of the Savior. The growing statistics of people who have never even heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ are unreal. We often think of missions being in another country, which is of course true, but friends we have a mission field right here in front of us. I've read and listened to the descending number of people who profess Christianity. As the number gets lower, so does the spreading of the Gospel- yes here, even here, in the United States. What a freedom we have to worship and share as we desire. Let us not take that for granted. Let us also be sensitive to those who have never heard the Good News. I forget how wonderful it is to live in the Bible belt. Even not growing up in a Christian home, I knew a little about Jesus. I'm pretty sure at one point He even got talked about in school. We must share the love of Jesus and be thankful for the opportunities we have. How do you share the Gospel? That's the beauty. There is no one cookie cutter way. Some pass out tracks. Some fix an elderly lady's roof. Some donate. Some knock on doors. Some send letters. Some volunteer. And the list goes on. I think it is vitally important that we share the Word of God and the testimony of Christ, but I also think it important to build relationships. People need to know we care. People need to know we are different, and in a good way! Please be set apart. God told us we would be peculiar. Be peculiar, but don't be unapproachable. People won't listen when they feel judged. Don't be conformed to the world. If people see you living the same life they're living, then they're going to wonder why they need Jesus. Don't be conditional. Everyone needs Jesus. The rich, the poor, the stinky, the mean, the weak, and the stubborn. Seek God. Stay in His Word. He will lead guide, and direct you in those crucial moments of planting, watering, and maybe even helping to grow a seed. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire. ~1 Corinthians 3:15 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:Not of works, lest any man should boast. ~Ephesians 2:8-9 Remember, it's all about Jesus and getting people to Him. We, ourselves, are nothing. Jesus Christ, though, He is everything. When you catch yourself getting frustrated at someone's sin. Remember to be frustrated at the sin and not the person because you were once blind too.
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The moments of being good enough were few and far between. It was a constant battle for affection and a longing to belong.
No matter how hard I fought, the fight was not strong enough. I learned early on the only way to "win" was by someone else's failure. No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't fit in, and I longed to be a part of something. Growing up, I thought life was "normal". We had a beautiful home filled with beautiful things. We had birthday and Christmas traditions, and how those were so precious to me. We had family pictures made every once in a while. You know, things normal families do. However, I was unaware that marriages didn't end up in divorce and for the ones that did last, I assumed they also consisted of splitting up on the regular and then being joined back together. I thought everyone's parents worked so much they had to stay with their grandparents. I was unaware that relationships weren't abusive whether that be verbally, mentally, or physically. I thought everyone cried because there was such a longing for affection. This was my normal. I was in this place called home where I rarely felt like I belonged. I remember being criticized about my weight. I was criticized about how long it took me to get ready. I was criticized about the fact I cared about my hair. I was criticized for being scared to ride a horse. I was criticized for raising my eyebrows the wrong way at the wrong moment. I was criticized for finding the stash of Little Debbies (oops). I was criticized for the state in which my bedroom was in (the phrase it looks like a tornado came through here must have originated from my mother). I was criticized for being too grateful and for not being grateful enough. I was criticized for expressing my feelings too much and then not enough. I was constantly criticized. And while some of it deserves criticism, there was never an explanation why or an example of how. When I tried to fix the problem, again I found myself not being good enough. (I must explain and praise God that I had such AMAZING parts of childhood. My mom was the most amazing at making special moments extra special. My parents were divorced, but my dad drove from Georgia to Tuesday night band concerts. My stepdad was always an amazing provider. My grandparents, maternal and paternal, were absolute Godsends. They were/are my angels on earth.) Obviously, this all impacted me in some form or fashion. I love looking back now and seeing how God used it all to mold me and bring me to the point He has me today. For a long time, and even still today, I struggle with self worth. For such a large part of my life absolutely nothing I did was good enough. That taught me to automatically assume if you're not told it's right, then it must be wrong. I'm so guilty of automatically assuming the very worst. Just call me a #negativenancy. While I still battle this, and through Jesus Christ, overcome it, there is some good that came from it. I learned to work hard and persevere. Giving up and mediocrity were never options. I also developed the terrible disease to please. Sometimes it can be quite the disease. Eyebrows are raising. What's wrong with wanting to please people? When pleasing people becomes your identity, it's no longer a good thing. Pleasing people had become part of my identity. I identify with it. It was such large part of who I was. I thrived off making people happy. I adored/adore to see merry reactions! I felt accomplished, and that was my downfall. When I started realizing I was getting a lot of self fulfillment from making others happy, I knew I was headed down a dangerous path. I began to find my fulfillment in trying to make others happy. I still struggle with this. Talk about a wrecked girl when I feel like I've disappointed someone. The difference now is that I know that is not who I am. I also know that my identity lies in Jesus Christ. While I enjoy making others happy, that is not my purpose on this earth. God put me here to glorify Him. When my eyes are on Him and serving others, it's utterly amazing how beautifully things fall in to place, and even if they don't, I'm not a wreck. As soon as I take my eyes off Him and start serving others, that old disease please kicks in, and the emotions start to roll. I find often find myself obsessing over not letting someone down or making someone unhappy. It burdens me severely. I've taught myself I must fix whatever is wrong, and if I don't, I've failed. The problem is I CAN'T fix it all. I have to let go and let God. Praise God, He surrounded me so many people who helped to lift me up in those dark moments. And they were dark. There was so much I didn't understand, but now I look back in amazement of all the things God taught me and where He brought me, and I'm in awe. He often reminds me of how He loved me in the womb. He reminds me that He fearfully and wonderfully made me. He wraps me up in His God sized arms, and I am reminded that when I cross Jordan, I will know He never let me know down. From all of this, I try to remember the impact of growing up in a critical home. I see the good and the bad that came from it. I would encourage you, and I ask you to pray and help me to remember to be uplifting to others. Our words and actions are more powerful than we know. I was a broken hearted little girl in need of a Savior, and I desperately searched, but often in the wrong places. I continually felt empty. I'm thankful that I was very aware of my need, and I am thankful for the provisions God made to guard me along the way. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22 Help someone to have a merry heart today! Be an encouragement to someone who has a broken heart. Remember your words and actions are stronger than you know. There are many things God has divinely made happen in my life, but one of my favorite is yellow car boy.
Our love story is my favorite. His love for Jesus is my favorite. His diabetes is my favorite. His awkward ways are my favorite. His handsome face is my favorite. He is my favorite. Some days I wake up and feel like I live in a fairy tale, which is quite humorous, because I was convinced, at one point in life, that was what love was. You know what I'm talking about. I just knew that there was going to be some dashing, macho man to sweep me away on a white horse. We would instantly fall in love, and I'd have that goofy look on my face. We would have super cool clothes, I would be a size 2 with flawless hair, and we would ride the white horse to the white farm house with the wrap around porch that Joanna Gaines designed (ok, I didn't know Jo then, and that last part didn't develop from a Disney movie). There was no white horse, size 2, farm house, Joanna, or cartoon hair. However, there was a yellow car, the dashing man, goofy look, and love part- just not quite the way I had imagined. Oh, and it wasn't instant. But to explain all of this I would have to go into our love story, and I believe I did that in a previous post (http://liftedbygrace.weebly.com/blog/life-changers). So I just read it, and it isn't quite the whole story, but for now, that's what I'll leave you with. Let me tell you about that husband of mine. He makes life incredibly special. Flowers are pretty typical, right? Not the way he does it. I adore fresh flowers, and every once in a while, he so casually drops some in a vase, and it's like oh- tah dah! He pays attention. He knows things about me, that I'm not entirely aware of. He picks up on the smallest of details, and tries his very best to incorporate those tid bits of information in the sweetest of gestures. He studies me, and in that studying, I am made to feel of great, great importance. Every night, I fall asleep (hard) before him, and he's always certain to make sure phone is plugged in, my Bible is placed somewhere safely, and my mouthpiece is in (TMI? I mean y'all, that's love. He doesn't want me to grind my teeth away). He works so hard to provide for us, and he never complains. That may be one of my very favorite qualities of that husband of mine. His outlook on life can light up a room. He shows Jesus is ways I never thought of. He truly looks for the good in almost all situations. He also looks for the reality in almost all situations (aaaaand we have that whole complimenting each other thing- he's level headed, and sometimes I'm not). That husband of mine still opens the door for me. He kisses my hand before we pray. He prays, he studies, he loves Jesus Christ. That husband of mine deals with me on the days I fall apart. He doesn't deal with me, he holds me and prays me through it. I was having a difficult time at work, and his very specific prayer was for the Lord to lift my spirits. I expressed great praise for how the Lord had worked in the situation, and he confessed this precious prayer to me. He was so excited it had been answered, and I was in awe that he so diligently prayed that. I never, ever knew what I needed in a husband. God did though. And let me tell you what, God knows what He is doing. I have a husband that exceeded what I prayed for. That husband of mine is a prince charming because He has the King in his life. That husband of mine sweeps me off my feet every day and then some, and it's not because of a white horse, expensive gifts, etc. It's because I get to rest securely in his unconditional, unending love. Thank You Lord, for Your blessings on me and this sweet husband of mine. Dear Mom,
The day started out looking quite dreary. The day ended soaking wet. As dismissal time approached, an announcement was made for students who were bus riders to gather in the multi-purpose room for dismissal. Whenever it rains, we do this to keep the students dry. As we loaded the students on the buses, my mind went to Guatemala.
Before I got married, someone described marriage as being able to have a slumber party with your best friend every night. Whoever told me that hit the nail on the head.
It sounds so cliche to say "I married my best friend", but y'all I did, and it was the best thing ever outside of accepting Jesus as my Savior and Granny's chocolate cake. Ok, marriage trumps Granny's chocolate cake, but her chocolate cake was quite divine. I realize we are in the beginning stages of marriage, but I just enjoy being in the same room together! Tonight, we stopped by Publix on the way home from church. (We ended up in separate cars, because I had a baby shower between services, and I left my phone unattended while there. This lead the yellow car man to believe I was in the hospital. He left on a mission to find me, and saw skid marks. He was headed to the local hospital when he found my car parked on the curb. It was quite eventful, but let me tell you, I love the love of the yellow car man.) He calls me to ask if he needs to stop to get bananas. My reply was yes, we probably should. He so graciously offers to let me go home, and he'll do the shopping. I explained I had no desire to go to the grocery store, but the desire to not leave him was even greater. I thought about all of that and how Christ's relationship with the church is paralleled to that of marriage. I thought about the great lengths Jordan went through for me from making sure I was safe to saying hey go home, and I'll grocery shop. He constantly looks for ways to make life easier for me. He constantly fills me up when I've emptied myself on work and such. He constantly seeks to serve. Ok, so that's pretty cool, right? Um yeah! Look, growing up, I had this TWISTED view of marriage and relationships. Part of that was formed from what I grew up around and the rest was molded by TV and movies. Here's the deal though. Yellow car man and I have a one on one relationship. We wrong each other from time to time (he leaves clutter on the table, and I can't close a cereal box to save my life), but overall we seek the best for each other. Alright, let's step out of a marriage relationship and into our relationship with Christ. Christ has that type of relationship with all who know Him. He desires that type of relationship with every human being that ever has been, is, and will be. Except Jesus doesn't close the cereal box wrong. He is incredibly thoughtful. He seeks our betterment so much, that He died on a cross knowing the entire world would sin against Him day after day, multiple times a day. He chose to die. Yellow car man washes the dishes that didn't fit in the dishwasher or have to be handwashed because he knows that's one of my least favorite household chores. Jesus Christ took my sin on His shoulders because I knew I could not bear it. He knew I needed a way to God, and He became the intercessor. Clearly dying on the cross and washing dishes don't remotely compare, but I just have to praise the Lord for how very blessed I am. First, I was able to have a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. Who am I to be remotely worth of that? Second, I get to be the wife of the best husband ever. What deems him the best husband? He models his love after that of Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:25). I'm sure there are many other husbands out there that follow this, but I'm not married to them. If you're not married, I encourage you to pray for the one that makes life like a great big, never ending, ball of fun slumber party. It's one of the greatest blessings in my life. Here's a little third grade classroom wisdom I absorbed.
Words and perspective are two robust parts of communication. A wise person once pointed out that when third graders write they have 1,813 things going on. They're trying to remember the shape of the letters, how they sound, to put the letter on the line, etc. (Let me add that in my first year of teaching I tried to, and painfully did, get young 8 year olds to write a five paragraph paper at the beginning of the year-oops.) So all of this is going on in their brains, and I'm upset over spelling! All the while, I'm trying to get them to write a paragraph when they've only recently learned to write complete sentences, which resulted in feeling like a failure. A wise person once taught me how to improve writing by using descriptive words- not just adjectives folks- but descriptive verbs. Words that show instead of tell. This is something I was able to grow into and then pass on to my students. I took these two moments and realized something I hope I always remember. You never know where people come from. You can assume you know, but your assumption is based on your life, your experiences- you. Your words are incredibly powerful, and they should be carefully chosen, because words often show quite a lot about you- even when you don't mean for them to show bad, or even if you mean for them to show good. At the end of the day, what you meant to say is not what you always say, and what you meant to say is not always heard. While it's often very difficult, you have to meet people where they are. Think about it. How annoyed do you get when someone asks you to leave your comfy spot on the couch to come tend to that person's needs? (I'm just keeping it real.) So even when life is difficult or people are difficult, your words and actions are important. People's perspective is huge, and while you think you know where they come from you probably truly don't. You'll never know how what you said was heard, because you haven't lived that person's life. It's amazing how egocentric we are. I'm incredibly guilty. I get so wrapped up in me, me, and what I have going on that I so embarrassingly lose sight of others. I think about Christ, and His lasting and infectious ministry. He reached people. People came to Him. People listened to Him. People responded to Him. But Christ also went to people- He met them at their lowest points and loved them anyway. Christ listened and cares for people. He spoke and ministered to people. People also rejected Him. They didn't listen to Him. They mocked Him. You never know what people are going through, what stage of life they're at, if they've learned how to deal with that life experience or not, or what their mind is processing. Remember words and perspective are powerful and love others like Jesus loves you. |
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