Tonight was a teary night. I heard a precious story as yellow car boy and I traveled to his endocrinologist. As I listened to a very short version, I cried. I wondered why I was being so emotional. I managed to pull myself together though. Today, I was able to share a small part of the story, and I found myself emotional again. Tonight, I saw the story as I scrolled through my Facebook feed. I watched a 22 minute video, and I cried the whole way through, like lots of tissue was needed to clean up the mess I had made of myself. It is an incredible story of hope and God's sovereignty. It's just incredible. Again, I wondered why I was being this emotional. I actually sat there for a moment, and I thought I don't even know these people.
Then God hammered down the brakes. He reminded me of His compassion on me. Before I was His child, He cared for me. There were countless times, I have no doubt, He sat with me, me being unaware, and dried merited and unmerited tears. My mind then went to lost souls. I remembered hearing a tugging sermon about being a witness and the heart break of losing a loved one, especially if we didn't know if they were saved. The pastor ended the sermon with a charge to witness to our loved ones. He then charged us to have that same hurt for people we didn't even know. Why? Because God cares for them, and so should we. As I was wondering why this story pricked my heart so hard, all I could think about was the importance of compassion. I then went onto think about how God can use compassion to fuel us to be His hands and feet. I'm so, so thankful for all of the innumerous amount of people who have been the hands of feet of Jesus to me. Even more so, I'm thankful for God's mercy on my lost soul because I sure was and am undeserving. Today, when I shared that story, I came to a painful realization. I am so terribly bad about worrying. In the midst of my worrying I forget to thank God for how He worked things out up unto that moment of worry, how He works it out afterwards, and then loves me through it. God is so, so good. He is an amazing father, caregiver, provider, and comforter. How wonderful to be a child of such a God! Below is the link of an incredibly inspirational story. I'm so excited to see how God uses these precious souls. http://themorningcruise.com/hope-heals-the-story-of-jay-katherine-wolf/
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It was rare day filled with a rare thing- time. Yellow car boy and I enjoyed a day of fellowship with our church family during our homecoming service. Our evening service was cancelled, so we had some extra time and a beautiful afternoon. What were we to do? Nap or ride bikes? It was a hard debate, but we chose the bikes. As we neared the end of our ride, yellow car boy convinced me to ride the bike off a curb. (I'm no dare devil. Oh and the curb was maybe 6 inches. I saw my life flash before me.) Well, I did it, and I didn't fall. Success! We continue onward, and I have a new sense of bravery. I had conquered that daring curb, after all.
The next great adventure waited on a steep, steep hill (it was not- not- 6 inches). At the top of this great hill was a narrown flat area. On either side, you had a choice to go down or down. Yellow car boy flies down it like the champion he is, and I hesitate. I hesitated so hard I slammed on the front and rear brakes, however I hit the front a lot harder. This caused me to fly, I legitimately flew, off the bike. I tried with all my might to prevent this dreadful fall. It was sort of like a movie. Everything happened in slow motion, and then I froze, except in real time, I was still moving. I saw the SUV coming around the corner. I was embarrassed. They were going to see me. Yellow car boy was going to see me. This was probably going to hurt. I wished I had elbow, knee, and chin pads, but I didn't. I tried really hard to keep myself from falling, and when I say I tried really hard, I mean I apparently tried to make my mind do all the work because my body was in full motion off the bike and toward the ground. As I tried to get up and brush it off like it didn't happen, yellow car boy runs to me, super hero cape flowing behind him, to see if I'm ok. My first response was I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok. I quickly realized I wasn't. And at the ripe young age of 26 and 3/4 of a year, I cried. I flashed back to my grandparents long driveway, and my purple bike with pink tassels. Then I remembered I was an adult. GET IT TOGETHER. But I couldn't stop the tears from rolling. I think I had convinced myself I had rolled to the bottom of the hill and broke most, if not all the bones in my body. Turns out, I didn't roll, and I just had some minor dirt scratches, and a temporarily hurt foot. Yellow car boy, in all his wonder and super hero cape, just comforted me. He never laughed, even when I did. He just wanted to make sure I was ok. He walked both our bikes down the treacherous hill, and checked on me again and again all the way home. While yellow car boy couldn't fix the matter, I believe if he could have, he would have. All the while, he let me fall off the bike. He didn't make fun of the situation. He didn't forcefully require me to get on the bike and try again. In all his patience, he encouraged me and let me feel safe before choosing to get on the bike again. I couldn't help but think of what a model of Christ's love yellow car boy displayed. We experience heart aches and trials in life. God can fix them, but sometimes we go through them because of the sin in this world, our own sin, someone else's sin, or maybe even because we're a bit stubborn and choose our own way instead of listening to God. In those moments, God never speaks to His children in a demeaning tone. In all His patience, He waits, and He comforts. I love the feeling of safety and rest I find in God's arms. Choosing to follow God can be scary. There's a lot you may have to leave behind, and typically, with change comes hurt. God allows us to choose to follow Him. He doesn't force it. He isn't rude about it. Choosing to follow God doesn't mean we'll be perfect. We will fall, and we may gain some bumps and scratches along the way. The beautiful part is, God will welcome you with open arms. If I had fallen off that bike, and it had ended badly, praise the Lord it didn't, and I mangled my face and body, not for one second would I question yellow car boy's love for me. I can almost assure you he would devote his time to finding a way to help me feel better. God loves us in an even bigger way than that. We are born into a sinful world, and we are ugly with sin, but He loves us anyway. He loves us so much, He sent His Son to die for us, knowing we would sin against Him. As we walk with God, and we get those bumps and scratches, we may look a little ugly at times, but that never changes His love for us. Because of Christ's great sacrifice on the cross, when God sees us, He sees His precious Son's blood, and that ugliness is washed away. Wrapping our mind around the love of God, and the changes He brings forth in our lives is unfathomable. I'm so thankful for yellow car boy and how he exhibits the love of Christ. I'm even glad he lets me fall of bikes. On my ride home, I turned on yellow car boy's old iPod. This old iPod holds our wedding playlist. As I'm flipping through, 100 More Years by Francesca Batistelli came on. As I listened, I reminisced back to that special day. I smiled as I thought about all the dreams I had for that day, and I giggled at how we came to the realization that weddings are expensive. Looking back, there are things I wouldn't have spent as much money on, and there are things I wish I had spent more on. I processed all that, and I smiled again. This time I smiled because I remembered that that day was only a day. Obviously it was an incredibly special day, but nonetheless it was one day. I smiled even bigger at the thought of being married to yellow car boy for 100 years. Clearly that isn't incredibly likely, but hey God is still in the miracle performing business.
My point is, how wonderful to be married to someone I want to be married to for one hundred years. I pondered on that, and all I could think about how great God is. I've seen many broken relationships, and for a while in my life, broken relationships were quite the norm. I thought that's what relationships were. I'm so thankful God gave me yellow car boy in all his wonderfulness. I'm so glad for all the days dreaming up to my wedding day, the days planning it, and more importantly, the days that have and will follow. I never knew just how special life could be with someone here on earth, but God provides abundantly. (The editor- yellow car boy- didn't proof this one either, and I'm tired, so it probably has errors. Oops.) Before you begin, I feel like you should know, my editor- yellow car boy- had yet another late night at work and was unable to proofread, so this may be filled with grammatical errors. I'm asking for no judgement in advance. Thank you. Please read on.
Have you ever had a moment of self pity? In our egotistical society, I think it's easier than not for those moments to sink in. Today, I sat in the doctor's office, and I was hoping for an answer to the sickness that I can't seem to shake. Through a conversation with a friend, I realized how thankful I should be that there hasn't been an answer. Maybe that was God answering a prayer before I took the time to pray it. There are some people battling much worse things that not being able to find out exactly what's wrong, if anything is wrong. While waiting, I overheard a conversation about an abortion. My heart sank. Thoughts immediately flooded my mind. At first, I was shocked. I know I've read about abortions happening, but somehow I managed to make myself believe it was all fake, or that it couldn't happen in the south at least. Then, I was sad. That poor child. It was a human life, and it never had a chance. Never. My heart broke more. Then, I got mad. How selfish of that person. How could they do that? Some people can't even have children, and this person just aborted a life that could've been something amazing. Then God reigned me in. While I do not agree with abortion, at all, who was I to pass judgment? One, clearly I'm not God. Two, I have no idea what her life situation is- absolutely no idea. Have you ever found yourself drowning in life, and you make a poor decision? That decision could be an angry attitude towards someone undeserving or maybe it was an abortion, or maybe it was (fill in the blank). I'd say we've all at least been rude to an undeserving store clerk who happened to be the first person we came in contact with at the end of a long day. I sat down this afternoon, and I just needed to commune with God. I needed to walk with Him. I needed to talk to Him. I just needed some God and me time. I've let myself drown in life lately. I've allowed other things to take priority over my walk with God, and it happened without me being aware. I sat down, and I sank into 2 Samuel. I love, love, love the books of of 1 and 2 Samuel. I find myself getting swept away at how God used Saul and David. I find myself intrigued and waiting to see what happens next (which is funny because clearly the account hasn't changed). As I read 2 Samuel, I found myself confused. I wasn't sure who Sheba was or what the fuss was about. I found myself confusing the Northern and Southern Kingdom. Well, I'm pretty sure God had that laid out. He knew I needed to dig. As I dug, I stood amazed at David's life. God chose this simple man to press on for His glory. God chose little ol' David to do great big things. In that journey, little ol' David experienced some extreme hardships. Y'all, can you imagine being chased by Saul? Can you imagine not knowing what your next step might lead you into? I'm sure he experienced some extreme anxiety, but what I love about David, is he clung to the Lord. He could've smote Saul, but he didn't. He felt bad because he ripped his cloak! Me, in my flesh, may have framed that joker. Clearly that's why David was David, and I am not. (No really, I hope I wouldn't have that attitude, but I don't know that I wouldn't have.) David experienced so much heartache. He was the king for crying out loud. That in itself is enough anxiety to bring a man down. He lost multiple sons.. He mourned for Saul and Jonathan. He had great regret over his adultery with Bathsheba. The ten northern tribes turned against him! I mean, there are days I think I have too much on my plate, but wow, David had a lot on his plate. Through it all, while I'm certain he did, and we even read about times that he failed, he sought the Lord. He clung to the Lord. He refers to the Lord as his buckler, strength, high tower. In Psalm 51, we see him seeking God's forgiveness. In Psalm 18, we see his total dependence upon God. I'm just amazed at the legacy he left behind. That is when God hit me right in the pinky toe (isn't that the worst?). Sweet child of mine, what legacy will you leave behind? Are you going to be the crazy lady that can't get life together, or will people look at you and see Me? Clearly, He didn't refer to me as a crazy lady, that's just how I'm feeling these days. Dear Christian, people watch. They see how we handle the jawbreakers that this sin filled world sometimes throws at us. I'm so guilty of trying to handle it all on my own. That's so silly. God, the Creator of the universe, the One that so beautifully designed your lungs to breathe- on their own- is waiting to help me out. All I have to do is ask. No appointment is needed. All you have to have is a personal relationship with Him. And let me tell you, that's simple enough too. If you don't know Jesus, He wants you to. He was came to this earth in a lowly state, just so He could save you. And if there was not another soul on this earth besides you, He would've come anyway. He loves you so much He knows the number of hairs on your head (and I don't know about you, but my bathroom is a testament to how many I gain and lose in a day). To know Jesus, all you have to do is ask Him for forgiveness, recognize Him as your Savior, and repent. When we repent, we turn from our sinful ways. That doesn't mean you'll never sin. You will battle your flesh always until the day you go on to be with the Lord, but I promise you, your life will be different. Your want to's can't help but want to change. But that can only come from the Lord. What legacy will you leave behind? In your darkest days, what will people see in you? Will they see Jesus? Now don't get me wrong, there are things we experience in this life that are hard. God never said being a Christian meant life would be super pleasant. He actually told us to expect persecution. Things like cancer, lost loved ones, divorce, and other life trials are hard. And it's ok that they're hard. God didn't say put on a fake happy face. It's good to grieve. It's also good to lean on God. Even in our darkest days, God will stand with us. In your darkest day, think of David and his hardships. Trust in the Lord as your buckler. Dear Mr. Trump:
I think it's wonderful that you saw a need and decided to step in. I think it's wonderful you want a change for America. I think it's wonderful you have such boldness. However, sir, and I ask this with all due respect, would you please tone it down? You see, my heart is saddened. Why? I hope to have children of my own one day. I am also very thankful to live in America. I believe respect is a necessity. I desire to teach my own children (Lord willing I have some) to respect our President. In school, I teach my students about our great nation's history, and we often talk about respect. We often discuss how to respect ourselves, our peers, and others. It is an important tool in surviving in a third grade classroom. One can't simply allow someone to call another student boogie head. It just won't fly. That sir, is why I am concerned. Your disrespect towards others is being watched. And if you're elected President of the United States, you will be under a constant eye. Please know that young ones are impressed upon so easily, and our country needs you to set an example for them. How can I teach my third grade students that name calling is unacceptable when the leader of our great country does it so very freely? Yes, we have that blessed right of free speech, but sir, please, be more careful with your words. Please use it but don't abuse it. I'm concerned with your derogatory remarks towards women. Don't get me wrong, I'm no feminist. I will not be participating in any bra burnings. I do believe God gave men and women roles. The man is the head of the household, but God did not mean for man to stomp on woman. After all, He created woman from man's side, and I do believe in many instances we are equal. When a couple is united in marriage, they become one. All that said to say, my concern is how you degrade women. I'm fearful this generation's children will grow up hearing you say those things, and they will think it is quite normal, or acceptable. I'm concerned girls will feel like they are 1) less than beautiful because they don't meet your apparent idea of beauty, or 2) they are meat because that's the only way I've heard you speak of women. I'm concerned the boys of this generation will grow up and think such remarks and mindsets are OK, and sir they absolutely are not. I am so glad you want to help make America better, and I pray that whoever God wills will be the next leader of our great country, and if it is you that He wills, I hope you will do just that. On this journey, please remember that words are in fact hurtful. They're extremely powerful. I highly doubt you'll ever read this. And unfortunately, if by a small chance you ever do, I'm fearfully imagining what your response might be. Please remember little eyes are watching, and little ears are listening, and they're learning. I beg you please, set an example for these upcoming generations. |
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